Show Summary

We wrap up our Emotional Labor series with a look at all we’ve been through, how we’ve improved, and recognition that this is probably a life-long work in progress. Leslie gets endearingly ranty about a favorite soapbox topic, Laura talks about how the kids are internalizing their chore motivation, and you’ll find out the crazy amount of money our kids made running their lemonade stand for just 3 hours on the first hot day of spring.

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Posted by Leslie Camacho

2 Comments

  1. Not sure I can express how EXCITED for, how PROUD of, and how HAPPY for you I am!! It was great fun listening to this podcast, and (Surprise!) I actually have some things to say about it…..(I’ll be brief….for me.) 🙂

    It struck me that TEACHERS do “emotional labor” every day, by your definition…. And that parents had better be doing it, too! Your Nenek ALWAYS said that you don’t be nice to everyone outside the home, then come home, relax, and be mean to your loved ones…..NOT happening in her home, for sure.

    Remember what “ass-u-me” means? We need to ALWAYS ask – remember Leslie’s dictum: She’s my wife…she loves me and I’m safe….

    Depression OFTEN follows a perceived loss of control, I believe. That’s what precipitated mine.

    LOVED Leslie adding nuance to Laura’s observation….when I taught at the academy, as soon as I arrived home I went out to the garden for half an hour in order to do the “gear-switching” from school to home. THEN I took over child care so Gail could go to the Y, etc. Excellent insight, Leslie.

    As Laura noted in passing at some point, there is BAD self-editing and GOOD self-editing. If I feel like shouting an ugly name at my partner in frustration over something, a little self-editing is in order….you can never “un-ring the bell”, so stuff it until you can speak respectfully.

    “The healthier I get, the more stuff comes to the surface.” Another great insight by Leslie. I found this to be SO true, because I was letting go of whatever I’d held onto that was keeping so much stuff pushed down into my subconscious! Exhilarating!

    If your “family stuff” is muddling your current relationship, you’re “normal”…as you work through it, you’ll become “weird”, but in a good way! 🙂

    “The hard parts are worth it.” Don’t know who said this, but I jumped up and shouted “Yes!” with a fist pump!! Never forget it.

    The Athletic Trainer analogy was right on the money – you don’t have to be 600# and confined to your bed before you work on your physical fitness. Same with “relationship fitness”.

    My Mom was a psychiatrist, and I STILL felt the “stigma” of seeing a therapist…overcame it, thankfully, but it was most assuredly there – I didn’t announce it to the world at large, although I certainly shared it with folks who I though it would benefit to hear it. I referred numerous students and staff to Ukiah to see Mom because THEY didn’t want to see someone anywhere near the college, for the same reason. A shame, but there you are.

    Laughed out loud at “previous marriages”!!

    “getting over yourself”….Oh Yeah! Lots of personal experience with this….get help, people!

    I don’t think we EVER outgrow a desire to please our parents and others whom we love….the key is to distinguish between how to use it in a healthy manner and to avoid the unhealthy. I am not someone who would pick up as much as I do if I didn’t live with Gail. Because I love her, I desire to please her and to make her life easier, and I know that picking up after myself (at least when outside my office) will do that. When she isn’t here, I don’t make the bed until the day before she comes back.

    Money is a “symbol” of parental approval, you know — not an “internal motivator”. That’s not a problem, but I suspect that learning internal motivation is a matter of growing up….I know that my behavior changed radically about the age of 13 when I discovered that my life was so much smoother if I was more cooperative and less combative.

    I do SO love Alana and her desire for her own personal “Chore List”!! Hehehehehe…….. Doesn’t it make your life easier, too?

    It was heartening to hear you talk about Sophia’s progress….we’ve seen it happening. As the parents get some of their issues settled, the children’s lives get better – although I bet they’d find it hard to describe what’s going on around them. But they don’t miss it…. Anyone who’s been in your home on a regular basis over the last several years will be noticing too, and if they love you, rejoicing. You have done SO WELL!! Chokes me up, my loves…..

    Now to the really important question — WTH is an “emotional potato chip”? Inquiring minds want to know these things……

    Much love,

    Papa

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  2. Feeling so grateful for your transparency and modeling in this podcast and in your relationship, Leslie and Laura, particularly Laura’s recent efforts to be more open about certain feelings. I can relate to that dynamic with my husband, and my husband has described having experienced similar to Leslie when transitioning from work to home life. As I work to practice what for me is a degree of authenticity with him, I’m finding more connection and freedom. It’s brilliant and wonderful. Another layer of healthy differentiating in relationships. Such good stuff, guys. Thank you for being such great role models and sources of inspiration!

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